O D D S

By Mike Teitelbaum

amazingsite@msn.com

Premises

One doesn't have to be a human to be human.

One has to act like a human to be perceived as a human.

One doesn't have to be a non-human to be inhuman.

Synopsis

A human-like robot snatched by gangsters has to acquire human qualities to foil the mob. In turn, the robot not only develops self-esteem, but he wins the girl and becomes the new don.

Robot's Basic Action in the Story

Malcolm Odds has to break the bank at a Las Vegas casino to save his creator's job and to keep himself from becoming a display in a robotics museum.

Goals

Malcolm, the robot, wants to be treated like "other" humans.

Mario Tortellini wants to be treated as if he were a legitimate son of Don Antonio Paverti.

Franco Paverti wants to break the casino's bank, win Kitty O'Neill for his wife and thus become the successor to Don Paverti.

Kitty has to marry one of Don Paverti's sons to protect her father as the Chicago Mafia's don. Otherwise he'll be wasted.

Professor Giovanni wants to achieve everlasting life by inserting into Malcolm far-advanced computer chips, then his own DNA and, finally, transferring his brain.

Revelations

Malcolm realizes that he is not human.

Malcolm learns that Mario has been lying to him.

Malcolm realizes that he can become like a human.

Malcolm learns that Angelina is really Kitty.

Malcolm learns that he can have emotions and feel love.

Characters

The pivotal character/hero:

Malcolm, built by Professor Giovanni, looks like a twenty-something man. He is voice activated and his control panel unit resides in his belly. The professor has endowed him with the ability to make limited decisions and to engage in limited independent activities. But his primary activity consists of watching and memorizing commercials on the TV. Malcolm lacks emotions, but wants to have them and be just like every other human.

Malcolm can be unscrewed at all of his joints. A special metallic device attached to a wire, a sensor, can be pulled out of his belly button and attached to metal objects. It acts like a seventh sense in that Malcolm can communicate with machines through it.

Since Malcolm can't digest foods, the professor has installed a conduit from his mouth to his genito-urinary system. He "eats" only jello, which is then eliminated unchanged.

Weaknesses: Malcolm lacks confidence and worldly knowledge. He has limited resources and doesn't know what love is.

Strengths: Malcolm is fresh-faced, loyal and honest. He is resourceful, imaginative and eternally optimistic.

Characteristics: Malcolm has a tick -- he winds his ear like a clock when in deep cogitation.

Character curve: Malcolm goes from unfeeling to feeling.

Learning curve. Malcolm goes from naive to smart. He learns that what people tell him is not always the truth. He gains confidence and self esteem as he begins to get treated as if he were human.

The antagonists:

Mario Tortellini, early thirties, was sired by Don Paverti out of wedlock. He has tried to establish a good name within the Mafia by devising clever schemes to enrich the clan, but something unforeseen always has occurred to foil him.

Weaknesses: Mario is greedy and uncaring.

Strengths: An unwillingness to quit in the face of strong odds. He's very clever.

Character curve: Mario learns to care for others.

Franco Paverti is Don Paverti's legitimate son. He is dumb, and the Don's lieutenants fear that he will succeed the elderly Don.

Weaknesses: No conscience, no imagination, no brains.

Strengths: He doesn't know he's dumb.

Character curve: He will fail to learn from his experiences.

The antagonists' allies:

Kitty, 19, Don Paddy O'Neill's daughter, was pledged to wed one of Don Paverti's sons in a bargain struck 16 years ago between the Chicago and the New York mafias. Because she's Irish, she was raised in an Italian convent as part of the bargain, and Don Paverti has seen her picture only when she was age three.

Kitty is feisty and independent. Against her father's wishes, she ran away from the convent three years ago and has been traveling through Europe following the racing circuit.

Since she was not raised in a gangster milieu, she militates against mob values and criminal behavior. However, she must choose between marrying into the mob and saving her father's life or seeking her own life as an auto mechanic.

Don Antonio Paverti is the aging, benign leader of the New York Mafia. He has no paternal feelings toward Mario or Franco, but they are like gnats on his ass. He is ready to step down from his position.

The hero's ally:

Professor Giovanni, an elderly inventor, teaches robotic science at Advanced Technical School in Atlantic City. He believes he can construct a robot into which he can copy his brain, just as a file can be copied from one computer to another. Then it will be his brain and his life in a robot's body.

Unfortunately, the school is running out of money and he will be terminated soon. The school hasn't paid him for three months, and he has to earn his living expenses cheating slot machines -- with Malcolm's help.

Characteristics: He is overweight and grandfatherly.

Character curve: He'll learn to treat Malcolm as a human.

O D D S

Story Outline

The screenplay opens at Belmont Park. Mario sits among

the mafiosos, confident that the race he has fixed will earn the family a large bundle and give him the respect he has longed for. His horse leads the pack down the stretch toward the finish line. Suddenly, the horse stops and takes a crap. It comes in last. The Mafia family, having lost a bundle on the "sure thing" shout angrily at Mario, and he has to scramble out of their reserved section. Shots are fired at him, but he ducks out of the stands. [This is the inciting incident.]

Mario drives his bright orange Cadillac convertible to Atlantic City, where he loses at craps. As he sits in a coffee shop, he sees Professor Giovanni hitting jackpots on two side-by-side slot machines. He watches in amazement as Malcolm attaches his sensor to a third machine. Malcolm's eyes roll as the Professor inserts a coin. The machine's three dials skip and jump till they end up matched. As the silver dollars cascade out, Malcolm snaps his sensor back under his shirt.

Mario follows the professor and Malcolm back to the laboratory. He sneaks up to the window and watches the professor and Malcolm inside.

The professor expresses regret to Malcolm that he has to resort to petty thievery but justifies it by his being able to continue teaching young minds.

Mario goes into the laboratory and offers to partner with the professor in the jackpot business, but he's turned down.

The New York Mafia Council debates the succession to the aging don. Mario is illegitimate and Franco is dumb. Don Paverti insists that one of his sons succeed him - the one who marries Kitty. If she refuses to honor the contract, they'll rub out Paddy O'Neill, the Chicago Mafia's don. The Council decides to hold a contest between Mario and Franco, hoping that both will lose and end up in prison so that one of the Council members can succeed the don.

Mario is apprehended in Atlantic City by the Mafia. Despite his pleadings that he will come up with a "sure thing," the Mafia Council is unsympathetic. The contest rules are read to Mario and Franco. They have to scam a state-run casino in Vegas, the biggest winner keeping 10% of the money, marrying Kitty and succeeding Don Paverti.

After seeing Malcolm cheating the slot machines, Mario knows he needs him in Vegas. He decides to steal Malcolm and have him communicate with the roulette wheel.

But Franco plans to knock off Mario before Mario has a chance to run his caper.

Mario kidnaps Malcolm.

In the first act, Malcolm will follow commands and be unfeeling. Initially, pratfalls will be at his expense ["drops" on Malcolm]. His ability to be magnetized will be set up. When commands given to Malcolm are ambiguous, he will take the comical route. Then he will evolve into initiating the comedic bits, such as rollerblading through a department store and crashing Mario's Cadillac convertible after a crazy ride.

Kitty, disguised as Angelina, tags along with Mario and Franco to see which half-brother she would prefer marrying.

In the second act, Mario, Malcolm and Kitty entrain for Las Vegas. A relationship begins to build between Malcolm and Kitty. Malcolm learns how to act more like a human.

Franco, on his Harley Davidson, chases the train. He blockades the tracks. With Malcolm's help, he attaches the bike to the platform of the rear car. He confronts Mario in the coach and learns that Malcolm is a robot. Kitty runs to the rear car and assists Malcolm in commandeering Franco's Harley. Franco sees his bike being ridden off. He jumps off the train just as the train takes off. He carjacks a truck and pursues Malcolm and Kitty.

With Malcolm steering, Kitty and he ramble through an amusement park, creating havoc. Malcolm drives the bike onto a roller coaster, nearly getting smashed by one of the cars. Giving the slip to Franco, they head for Chicago, where Kitty says they can catch a plane to Vegas.

Franco hightails it to Chicago to seek Don O'Neill's help in preventing Mario from reaching Vegas. The professor also flies to Chicago to retrieve Malcolm.

In Chicago, Franco snatches Malcolm, but he has to unscrew Malcolm to get him on board a plane. Malcolm's lowest moment occurs when Franco takes him apart. However, Malcolm, in a carry-on bag stashed in the plane's overhead compartment, attracts the attention of everyone on the plane.

Franco ties up the professor in a closet, but the professor manages to transfer his DNA to Malcolm. Unfortunately, when the professor tries to transfer his brain into Malcolm, it backfires and he ends up getting Malcolm's tick.

Some of the riotous comedic aspects will be Malcolm peeing green jello, Malcolm making the airport metal detector go bonkers when Mario has to send him through on the x-ray belt; Malcolm shooting baggage carts through the crowded terminal; his being put back together on the plane and his piloting the jet liner through a loop-the-loop.

Malcolm will develop feelings.

In the final scenes:

Franco goes to jail when he tries to use Malcolm's sensor and is caught cheating at roulette.

Kitty falls for Malcolm.

Malcolm breaks the casino's bank and diverts the gambling loot to Advanced Technical School and to Professor Giovanni.

The professor acknowledges Malcolm as his son.

Don Paverti adopts Malcolm after Kitty marries Malcolm in a rushed and confused marriage ceremony.

Malcolm gets Don Paverti to call Mario "son" and he arranges a female-escorted trip to Italy for Mario.

Malcolm is elected Don of the New York Mafia to replace Don Paverti, who retires.

Malcolm and Kitty drive off into the sunset to make babies by using the professor's DNA.

List of Some of the Visual Comic Bits or Throws

1. Leading race horse takes a crap just before reaching the wire.

2. Malcolm hits slot machine jackpots.

3. Malcolm knocks over window washer's ladder and gets soaked.

4. Professor turns on Malcolm's magnetizer and hangs tools on Malcolm's chest.

5. Pigeons roost and crap on Malcolm.

6. Malcolm puts on roller blades and wreaks havoc in a department store.

7. Malcolm unloads a coke machine and foils pursuing store clerks.

8. Malcolm unscrews himself and attaches an extra leg instead of an arm.

9. Malcolm is dressed as a woman.

10. Malcolm turns his head 360 degrees.

11. Malcolm drives the Mario's Cadillac convertible; bounces off cars; causes car crashes.

12. Malcolm attaches sensor to TV and performs ballet along with TV program.

13. Malcolm talks to a Cadillac.

14. Dog urinates on the leg of a mechanical sign of a man smoking a cigar.

15. Franco crashes into a pile of garbage, and a chicken roosts on his head.

16. Malcolm barks at a policeman.

17. Malcolm oils himself to get rid of a squeak.

18. Franco slips on a pool of jello.

19. Franco shoots off one of his finger tips.

20. Malcolm drives a motorcycle onto a roller coaster and does loop-the-loops.

21. Malcolm repeats TV commercials during conversations.

22. Malcolm beats the video games machines.

23. Malcolm has to be put on conveyer through x-ray machine because he can't pass through the metal detector.

24. Malcolm shoots luggage carts into crowded airport corridor.

25. Malcolm attempts to use a urinal and expels green jello.

26. Malcolm is unscrewed by Franco and stuffed into suit cases.

27. Malcolm's head shouts for help from the plane's overhead baggage compartment.

28. Malcolm pilots a jet liner and does a loop-the-loop.

29. Malcolm dances with a chorus line in Vegas.

30. Malcolm wins at roulette.